Unconscious Agreements !!!

The weather has changed, evenings are yet a bit pleasant which lures you to leave the house and be by the pool reading your favorite author. I was unerringly doing the same, but I had hardly managed to flip a few pages and something very distinctive happening in front of me caught my attention more than the book.

A group of kids were all around a boy, who had brought a new bicycle and everyone wanted a ride.

It was neither the bike nor the excitement of the kids, but it was the conversation among them which caught my attention.

All of them were urging the “proud owner of the bike “to let them try his new possession and the “owner” was in complete denial.

Suddenly one child among all said, “OK, if you let me ride your bike, then I will let you play on my PSP “.

The next minute, the “Owner” handed the handle of the bicycle to child and he paddled away with a smile.

Few watched him ride with sad faces, few dispersed and few started playing again from where they had left.

“IF YOU WILL ….. THEN I WILL “!!!!

Sounds familiar I told myself, I have heard it so many times. Alright, I have said it as well to my son so many times.

“If you finish your homework, then you will go down to play “!!! If you behave properly...then I will get you a gift “!!!

I could actually relate to it. It’s like an “AGREEMENT “which we unconsciously create between people.

And the child had done just the same. He had  created an “AGREEMENT “.

I believe everyone creates such unconscious agreements from early days through later life. We generally create a condition where we rely on other person to behave or perform certain actions, so that it will make us feel certain emotions.  Isn’t it?

And sometimes we even make AGREEMENTS where the other person is not even aware of them. Why? Because we never told them about it, when the person does not behave the way we anticipated them to behave we feel sad, hopeless, unhappy etc... But how does that person know what they were supposed to do? We never told them in the first place?  Did we???!!!!

 I think we can never make anyone do anything; we cannot force people to do things that will meet our condition. We can have control only on one person that’s “us “not anyone else.

I have learnt one thing, that if we are going to make these agreements with people we might as well tell them.  It will have stronger relationships and we will find these agreements being met more as people may not be able to fulfill it all the time but will make an attempt “at least.

I returned from my thoughts and opened my book , when I hear my friend calling her son , “ Time to go home  and if you come now , then you will be able to watch some T.V. ".

I smiled!!!!

I wonder whether this “Agreements “will make our lives better or worse?

I closed my book and walked towards my “HOME “…….

A Shoe Story !!!!!

I sit with old albums and go down the memory lane. It’s nice to look back and renaissance the past. Every time I do that I realize that time flies, how much we want it to walk at snail’s pace, it just runs.

Today was yet another that kind of a day ,where I wanted to be happy , sad and nostalgic, I was sitting with my 9 year old  son and going through the old snaps and sharing the stories with  him as to how , when and why was the pictures taken .

And we came across, a snap where we all had gone for a family picnic.

It  was bright sunny day, we had planned a family outing .We all were ready; accept for one person, my 4 year old son.

He was trying since last 15mins to try to wear his socks on his own; all our efforts to try and help him were unsuccessful.

His response was set. “NO!!! I want to wear  them on my own “!!!

To avoid the hue and cry over the whole episode, we all decided to be spectator of his effort.

Finally the ordeal was over , and he could manage to wear them , “ Not so correctly “ but  all the effort of pulling and pulling and only pulling had reached the finale.

We all applauded and he smiled!!!

He got down from the bed, and started walking towards the shoes I managed to reach them before him, so that I can make him wear them and we could leave for the picnic which was delayed already.

Now , started  the snatching of the shoes, reason  he wanted to wear them on his own , I knew he learned to wear the Velcro shoes on his own and  would be quick in doing so , but my concern was he loved to wear the shoes in the wrong leg, and I was always worried that it would harm him .

I grabbed the shoes made him wear it as fast as I could, held him from the hand and said “We are getting late, we need to go NOW!!!”

And there, the big hue and cry started, the one which I was trying to avoid during the socks episode and specially in front of my parents, because you are always doing the “Wrong Parenting “in front of them, the grand child is always right, because he is just a child and does not know what he is doing, we are adult parents and we need to do all the understanding!!!

But can we ever, win against kids, I guess “NO "!!!

I gave up!!!!

“CORRECT MAMMA “!! Was his response when he changed is shoes in his respective wrong legs.

I looked at him, and made my way out obvious to all that I was upset!!

I could hear my husband tell my son,” See Mamma is upset; you know why because the way you are wearing you r shoes it will hurt you after sometime.

I had started loading the things in the car, and I had a pat on my hip,I turned, and saw my son standing right behind me, “Sorry mamma” he said.

I adjusted his socks and corrected his shoes!!

He kissed me and hopped into the car!!!!

I smiled.

I returned from the flash back, when my son told me that it was time for him to go down to play!

I asked him to help me pick the albums and put them back!!!

“NO, Mamma, not now I will be late “he refused

“OK!!! GO!!!! “ was stern reply . I was a  bit upset with his denial to help me and started picking the albums from the bed.

Suddenly after a while, I got a pat on my back, I turned to see it was my son , who was standing with few snaps which were lying on the carpet near my bed.

We were almost done, the room was as before, but he stood there, as if I was missing something.

He looked at me, and then down!!!

I followed his eyes, and looked down ...

He was wearing his shoes in wrong legs and his socks clumsily worn.

We smiled..

 I bent down, adjusted his socks and corrected his shoes this time with laces...

He kissed me and rushed out of the room.

I stood there, with tears rolling down my eyes!!!!

Reality

It was late Saturday evening and I was sitting thinking about all that I have to accomplish in a week ahead. Plan my mother’s visit to Muscat , classes I have to attend, articles which I needed to finish ( lying on my desk for a long time now !! ), the grocery list which was nicely stuck on my refrigerator and so on . Not to mention, the minutiae of calls, emails, face book, whattss app (how can we forget that, after all it keeps us connected to family and friends whole day long).

Do I need to mention how I felt, obviously tired, overwhelmed, totally self absorbed and Incapacitated?

Result, today morning I was awake around dawn, sitting in the gallery feeling the gentle breeze which brushed my face now and then, the dew drops on the plants made me smile. I took some deep breaths and instead of heading back into the room decided to do some meditation and watch the sun rise.

We all  rise to  the new day with lots to do and I am no different .Anticipating the day which had just began ,today I had to finish the grocery shopping , pen down a new article , had some fun activities for my son and most important had to take my walk.

The same circumstances which seemed scary, daunting and impossible to manage a night before appeared to be filled with potential in the morning.

Now,

I am doomed- or I am just lucky,

I will get sick – or I will just feel great

I will fall – or my day will be full of promise.

My mind full of thoughts!!

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so ---

These were my thoughts and viewpoints but I term then a little differently I call them as Good Reality and the Bad Reality.

I would rather be in the good reality, the positive, pleasant and the reality which is full of possibility.

With shinning sun,   chirping birds, easy fun flowing life.

Yes problems exist, but if there were no problems we would have never learnt the importance of challenges and never would have learnt how to fight and overcome the challenges.

I as well drop into Bad Reality sometimes, I feel weighed, down, inadequate and powerless at times.

The sun seems nothing more than a gloomy fireball, surroundings are moarse, difficult life which is stagnant.

I can't find my spirit and energy seems to be lost. But I know I can handle it!

When I ponder over, is it a choice I think and it is my viewing lens that changes my experiences.

When I slip back sometimes on my own stream, I change my mind or laugh even do both sometimes. when I feel too tired and can't find my way back. I take rest, take that time-out for myself with a steaming hot cup of tea it’s kind of “I am back to myself “ and Good Reality seems to return.

I keep experimenting with reality, the external world changes, each time, and each day through my viewing lens. Question is can I cross over and how fast. The belief, that by changing my thoughts I can change the Reality and I do manage it but not always!!!!

How about you all? Which reality are you in now?

Do What You- Love - What You Do ???

“What do you want to be when you grow up?  , the question was thrown at my seven year old son by a very close friend over the dinner table yesterday night. After a bit of a thought, he looked at me and his father (expecting we would fill the answer for him) but with no response form the parents, with his eyebrows raised high, understanding that he will have to answer it on his own,, came the obvious,’ “Uncle have yet not thought over it, once I grow up a little more I will think “.

The question which I am sure we all were asked at least once when we were kids or youngsters, and did we have any answer ready or did we all took that few minutes to think about it ? We all slipped back into our childhood and started sharing the stories of what we wanted to be when we grew up. I am sure we all had a dream to become something great like a doctor, an architect, an engineer, an air-hostess, etc and the list is never ending. How well did we all do?

Well, talking about myself, I ended up working

in an Airline and Telecom companies (Honestly I started loving and enjoying both my job profiles) while I always wanted to be was an Architect. May be all are not like me, they achieve what they aspire. But few are there who never aspired to be what they set out to become, or maybe they said they would become when they grew up.  But I believe the older we get, the taste changes, our views change, our goals change. All in all things change.

The most important lesson  I have learned during my career path is to do something , what I loved to do now why was that important , it’s simple that if you enjoy what  you make your living at , you actually end up being happy in ways more than one. 

I believe it’s more rewarding and enriching. Life is more interesting and a whole lot of fun. It’s pure passion that carries you through the success ( accompanied by hard work of course !! ).

Yes no job or no business is perfect, the most important thing is to enjoy and learn from it. It may take you some time to figure out what you really want to do and even take more time than the rest to actually get there. But do what you love to and love what you do (whatever it is!!!).

You will be a lot happier and trust me you will never ever look back!!!!

LIFE AS A NURSE !!!!!

First Aid Box – checked

Knife – check

Spectacle case – check

Shikha had checked everything twice. It was not that she was not sure of her work, or she doubted herself. She had done that hundreds of times before.

Shikha was one of the best nurse to assist the doctors in the surgery, she just knew her job to well, and doctors always preferred that she was there during the most complicated and long surgeries.

The surgery was scheduled for Friday morning, as Shikha would be there on duty.

Shikha had done the recheck, before the patient was brought in for the surgery. She looked at Shikha and said, “Shikha, be by my side ok!  I just hope that I go out from this place alive “??

Before Shikha responded!!!!

“Of course you will don’t worry “said the doctor, who by now had walked in with the anesthetist.

The lady on the operation table looked at the doctor, and held Shikha’s hand.

Including Shikha everyone was aware that, it was a major surgery and chances were 90/10.  90% stood for failure.

 “Are we all set Shikha “? – asked the anesthetist?

“Yes doc “!! She replied. !!!

There was something wrong in her voice and everyone present there had noticed that, after all the , lady to be operated was Meghana Ayee,  in whose house Shikha stayed as a PG, since she moved in to Mumbai. Meghana Ayee  had been more like her mother then her landlady .She had filled that void of a mother for Shikha.

The anesthetist checked the vitals, and gave the sedation to Meghana ayee.

The surgery started, and everyone could see that today, Shikha’s hand were betraying her mind. Whenever a surgical tool was passed by her to the doctor, her hands were trembling.

Time was running, 2 hours had already passed and doctors were worried as Meghana Ayee's vitals were going down, they had to try till the end doctors thought.

But there, the monitor BEEPED……..  Meghana Ayee could not take the surgery; she had taken her last breath on the table.

And before, any one could say or do something; Shikha had fallen down on the floor. She had "Fainted ".

When Shikha woke up, she found herself in the recovery room with other nurses and the Dean of the hospital standing right in front of her.

Shikha knew that she can faint that’s normal. But she is not supposed to faint in the surgery, among the other nurses and the doctors.

She was not allowed to that, in her profession.

She was sent home that day, so that she can be with Meghana ayee’s family for the final rituals.

Shikha joined the hospital after 4 days, to see that she has been removed from the surgical Rota for the next 6 months and was assigned the new work to Train the Trainee.

Politely the dean had suspended her.

And today after 6 months, she was back in the surgery. The place she belonged and longed to be back.

The anesthetist, the doctors and the nurses were also happy to see Shikha back!!

The patient was brought in; he looked at the doctors and around the OT, as if searching for someone.

And there, he could see Shikha.

Shikha turned around and looked into eyes of the patient walked to him and said. “You going to be just fine, it’s a minor surgery!!

The man on the table today was her fiancé ….

She walked to the other side of the table and started her rechecks….

First Aid Box – checked

Knife – check

Spectacle case – check

 This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

R.I.P

The new year, we all expect it to start with joy, with new dreams, with new aspirations, new goals. We sit and consider what we have done in the past 12 months, and resolve to do better this year ….

But the year started with a shocking and heart breaking news of our friends who met with an accident and lost both their kids. They were our friends first and neighbors’ later, as we both reside on the same floor of the building.

I write my first post of 2014 with a tribute to the two angels……!!!!!

We still leave the house for the school at the same time but “SHE “is not there in the lift.

We still wait for the bus to arrive, but among all the kids “SHE “is missing ….

Her remarks - Aunty Hurry we are late today, color of your t- shirt is my favorite as well, your hair look messy today Aunty, you forgot your glasses today Aunty  watch the step….. I miss those remarks every morning!!

Everything is the same in a way ….. But a lot has changed as well in a big way…

It was a routine for the “HIM “to come and pick an Oreo from me daily, I was his Oreo aunty and he was my “Oreo boy “.

Our conversation with each other, in English was Oreo, thank you and bbbbbyyyeee … rest was all the babbling of words ,a combo of English and Malayalam language , which his mother and me would try and figure out what he is trying to say, my friend would translate the word for me in English … and there he would just repeat after her the English word looking at me as if trying to tell me “ya see did u get what I said”!!!

Some relations don’t need name and neither language barrier, they are just there, and we get woven into a bond of love and care…

It’s been a month today since they are gone …….

While I write, I wonder with shattered beliefs and assumptions of what life should be?

I knew little why god had to call their names that day???

Though the transition through the difficult times is a audacious drive , the shock , the denial , the horror , the sleepless nights, we slowly we try to endure  all that and as a new bud blooms into a flower slowly start remembering the ones we have lost in a different and a special way .

Their laughter, their spirit, the way their smile use to make me feel would still make me cry, but in a loving reflection. We would not see them but they will be by our side always …

Life continues ……………………..

The hollow will be filled with memories and that’s what matter’s……

This is how they would want it to be as well ………..

R.I.P

“SHE THE CHAMP  "and “HE MY OREO BOY "

Who Is Driving Your Life ?

Code For Blogvin

The biggest challenge faced by people in today’s time is the feeling that our lives are just spiraling out of control. The events the circumstances we are in all lead us to a road, a route that has no control over all the misfortunes and wrong doings that has brought us actually to this moment in life.

But do you think that our life can change on its own? The truth is that our life will not change unless and until we take the full responsibility for it. What matters is our ability to respond, take responsibility of the situation rather than accepting any form of blame of the situation we get into.

We have to realize that it’s never the events of our lives, but the way respond to these events will shape-up our lives and create our life. We have to stop being the creatures of circumstances, and start responding to the situation in a way that we want, so that we can take our life where we desire.

It’s high time that we stop blaming any and every thing that happens to us, it’s time we understand that responsibility is not something you have to go out and search, it’s within us. It’s the power that calls on to us and makes us realize that it’s we are to be blamed at to whatever happens to us and no one else. Most of us are conditioned to blame someone else, for all the parts of our life that don’t work. No one else can make us happy or sad; it’s our own self which will do that.

We need to get back behind the wheel of our life, take control and direct the life we choose to live. Do you really think that it’s the conditions of our life that brings us to the state we are in? The answer is a big “NO “. It’s not the conditions but rather the decisions as to what things mean to us and what are we going to do about it, creates the real conditions of our life.

If we keep on blaming someone or something else, we will always remain bound, because we would only rely on something or someone to be responsible for how we feel, for our state of mind and our life. Ultimately it would be that someone who would be running our life and not we!! Instead we should get behind the wheel, and drive our life the way we want to, take it where we need to go rather than going with the flow.

I believe that there are two choices in our life, the conscious and the other unconscious (no rocket science in it!!).  You can go with the flow, sit back, relax and let the events and the circumstances lead the river of our life and take us where ever it wants to go or we can have both your hands on the steering wheel, control your life, we make the decision as to which way we would like to go.

I don t intend to say, by taking responsibility of things, we will be able to control our life completely or we start living in self pity or blame. Yes we won’t be able to control all the events of our life, but we will definitely able to make a decision on which event is important to us, and how are we going to react to it to bring an outcome.

Taking responsibility is all about being in charge, calling out our own shots, create our own world. We need to take that shift in the thinking and behavior. To turn problems in to opportunities and that the key to turn the ordinary life to something called extraordinary.

We win some we lose some, hence winning and losing in life is an internal game, no one can take our responsibility or no one can give us responsibility. it’s like an internal process ,a switch within us that only needs to either be turned on of turned off.

Life for sure is an amazing adventure, but only if you perceive it to be one, we are the ones who get to steer the ship of our life and direct the course. We won’t be ever able to control the wind but what we can do is direct the sail.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing – Helen Keller

What is it for you??

Lost & Found

At the end of the day, as I sit in front of my television set, hop to my favorite music channel and start reading my book from where I had left. 

Ok that’s, my normal routine at night, once I put my son to be bed. I call it as “Me  Time "…..

I had just finished reading a page and my eyes moved from the book to the television set , my uncles favorite song was being played ,” Yeh Zindagi Usiki Hai , Jo kisi ka ho gaya “ …. .  It has been 7 years, my uncle passed away, but whenever I hear this song, it brings smile on my face ….

I started listening to music, because of him ,he use to have a Murphy Radio , with him and me as a child use to be either in his lap, or playing around listening to songs and this was the first one which he had taught me to sing …..

The song reminded me of collection of all my uncles’ favorite songs, was with me in a CD …!!! I remember sitting with him for hours and compiling the whole bunch of songs.

Where was it? I remember I had taken it as token of his memory? Where did I keep it? I suddenly had that urge to find the CD, in the middle of a night.

It was not there in my cd rack, cd covers; none of the drawers had it either!!!!

“No I could not have thrown it by mistake also”!!!  How can I miss his writing on the CD!!!

God!!! What an IDIOT I have been!! “I cursed myself. How can I misplace it???

I switched of the television, walked to my son’s room just to check on him before I retired for the day.  I was about; to close his room door and I had that voice from within, as if someone telling me to check my son’s drawers. I did exactly what my mind and heart told me to do. And there in one of the covers, it was shining brightly, written with a black marker on it “MY FAVORITES “!!!!!

Going down the memory lane is not my every day routine, it’s not something which we do every day, but I am sure, there are some days when we do think about our old times…

I guess, today was that day for me …..

I grabbed the CD, rushed to the room, slid it into my player and pressed the “play" button. while listening to the songs, tears rolled down  my eyes, with the thought , that though my uncle  has passed on to the other world , what remains with me is the fragrance of his perfume and hair cream which made a fantastic combo , coupled with the smell of cigarette smoke to his clothes. Which I will never forget!!!!!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.