Saturday, May 5, 2012

Teachable Moment ......

“My dad wears my mommy’s shoes “my 6 year old had told his friends, which I found out few days ago from another parent who now is a friend (guess a concerned parent friend).

When I asked my son about the whole story, he gave me minute to minute detail about the whole thing, that how he had removed from the shoe rack. wore it ,( exact number of times ), how he had cribbed about it during his  drive to the shopping mall , I must say It was a well thought and  carefully elaborated  stuff . Which actually made me think Had he? he had stuck the tale so confidently , that I sheepishly  asked my husband , had he ever even jokingly  tried such a thing ( just for fun sake in front of my son ). Obviously he hadn’t (I was sure of that too!!!!)

We laughed over the whole thing as well as what reputation my husband now had at school, but I was troubled!  Of course, not all kids’ lies are trifling incident you can just laugh at, and I am sure we all want to raise a child with values of honesty. ( I am no different !!! ).

When your child lies to you is something that every parent must face at some point of time, and dealing with it can be source of great stress and concern. I wondered for fear that he would develop into a pathological liar?  Or let it slide, to avoid crushing his creativity?

I am sure we all have said lies in our childhood , I distinctly remember when I was around 7 years, I was trying to fit my hand into a swirl , ( which  I thought it was the same size as my finger ) ,  which I did ,, but was unable to remove it . when my mother had walked by  me and asked “ what happened , your finger is stuck ? “ in an innocent effort to protect myself from being yelled at , I had replied .” naah “ No mamma “!!!!!. My mom did return with pliers in hand after a minute though!!! (Making me believe that large part of her, did not believe in me).

All kids tell lies, or make up stories .Believe it or not, it’s a natural and a healthy part of growing up. (Even pediatritions say that!!).They hear stories from other people all the time, so they make up their own, but often fade the line between reality and fantasy.

That is one thing; but sometimes kids lie because they know instinctively that if they do something wrong, they will see a certain kind of disapproving look on their parents face. So they simply lie to deny responsibility for their actions.

However, this is not something we want to encourage and we should address that we are not happy with the lie they told. We have to understand that they do not know the difference between truth and lie, I am not saying that we should excuse lying, think about it this is the age of invisible friends. , Lions and tigers, monsters, fairy tales and all sorts of imaginary scenarios. Before we take away his privileges for the day, try to find what drove him to lie.

It’s best to avoid punishing them for lying, rather encourage them for coming forward with the truth. 

Naturally it would be ridiculous to punish for bending the truth when they don’t even grasp that what they are doing is wrong.

Using strict parenting skills can’t keep kids from lying; if a kid is going to lie he/she is going to lie!!!. Best thing is ,  if children are caught lying, use it  as a  "Teachable Moment “, a moment to teach them importance of honesty and negativity of lying. 

Seems, its my time for such moments now !!!! 

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