Unconscious Agreements !!!

The weather has changed, evenings are yet a bit pleasant which lures you to leave the house and be by the pool reading your favorite author. I was unerringly doing the same, but I had hardly managed to flip a few pages and something very distinctive happening in front of me caught my attention more than the book.

A group of kids were all around a boy, who had brought a new bicycle and everyone wanted a ride.

It was neither the bike nor the excitement of the kids, but it was the conversation among them which caught my attention.

All of them were urging the “proud owner of the bike “to let them try his new possession and the “owner” was in complete denial.

Suddenly one child among all said, “OK, if you let me ride your bike, then I will let you play on my PSP “.

The next minute, the “Owner” handed the handle of the bicycle to child and he paddled away with a smile.

Few watched him ride with sad faces, few dispersed and few started playing again from where they had left.

“IF YOU WILL ….. THEN I WILL “!!!!

Sounds familiar I told myself, I have heard it so many times. Alright, I have said it as well to my son so many times.

“If you finish your homework, then you will go down to play “!!! If you behave properly...then I will get you a gift “!!!

I could actually relate to it. It’s like an “AGREEMENT “which we unconsciously create between people.

And the child had done just the same. He had  created an “AGREEMENT “.

I believe everyone creates such unconscious agreements from early days through later life. We generally create a condition where we rely on other person to behave or perform certain actions, so that it will make us feel certain emotions.  Isn’t it?

And sometimes we even make AGREEMENTS where the other person is not even aware of them. Why? Because we never told them about it, when the person does not behave the way we anticipated them to behave we feel sad, hopeless, unhappy etc... But how does that person know what they were supposed to do? We never told them in the first place?  Did we???!!!!

 I think we can never make anyone do anything; we cannot force people to do things that will meet our condition. We can have control only on one person that’s “us “not anyone else.

I have learnt one thing, that if we are going to make these agreements with people we might as well tell them.  It will have stronger relationships and we will find these agreements being met more as people may not be able to fulfill it all the time but will make an attempt “at least.

I returned from my thoughts and opened my book , when I hear my friend calling her son , “ Time to go home  and if you come now , then you will be able to watch some T.V. ".

I smiled!!!!

I wonder whether this “Agreements “will make our lives better or worse?

I closed my book and walked towards my “HOME “…….

A Shoe Story !!!!!

I sit with old albums and go down the memory lane. It’s nice to look back and renaissance the past. Every time I do that I realize that time flies, how much we want it to walk at snail’s pace, it just runs.

Today was yet another that kind of a day ,where I wanted to be happy , sad and nostalgic, I was sitting with my 9 year old  son and going through the old snaps and sharing the stories with  him as to how , when and why was the pictures taken .

And we came across, a snap where we all had gone for a family picnic.

It  was bright sunny day, we had planned a family outing .We all were ready; accept for one person, my 4 year old son.

He was trying since last 15mins to try to wear his socks on his own; all our efforts to try and help him were unsuccessful.

His response was set. “NO!!! I want to wear  them on my own “!!!

To avoid the hue and cry over the whole episode, we all decided to be spectator of his effort.

Finally the ordeal was over , and he could manage to wear them , “ Not so correctly “ but  all the effort of pulling and pulling and only pulling had reached the finale.

We all applauded and he smiled!!!

He got down from the bed, and started walking towards the shoes I managed to reach them before him, so that I can make him wear them and we could leave for the picnic which was delayed already.

Now , started  the snatching of the shoes, reason  he wanted to wear them on his own , I knew he learned to wear the Velcro shoes on his own and  would be quick in doing so , but my concern was he loved to wear the shoes in the wrong leg, and I was always worried that it would harm him .

I grabbed the shoes made him wear it as fast as I could, held him from the hand and said “We are getting late, we need to go NOW!!!”

And there, the big hue and cry started, the one which I was trying to avoid during the socks episode and specially in front of my parents, because you are always doing the “Wrong Parenting “in front of them, the grand child is always right, because he is just a child and does not know what he is doing, we are adult parents and we need to do all the understanding!!!

But can we ever, win against kids, I guess “NO "!!!

I gave up!!!!

“CORRECT MAMMA “!! Was his response when he changed is shoes in his respective wrong legs.

I looked at him, and made my way out obvious to all that I was upset!!

I could hear my husband tell my son,” See Mamma is upset; you know why because the way you are wearing you r shoes it will hurt you after sometime.

I had started loading the things in the car, and I had a pat on my hip,I turned, and saw my son standing right behind me, “Sorry mamma” he said.

I adjusted his socks and corrected his shoes!!

He kissed me and hopped into the car!!!!

I smiled.

I returned from the flash back, when my son told me that it was time for him to go down to play!

I asked him to help me pick the albums and put them back!!!

“NO, Mamma, not now I will be late “he refused

“OK!!! GO!!!! “ was stern reply . I was a  bit upset with his denial to help me and started picking the albums from the bed.

Suddenly after a while, I got a pat on my back, I turned to see it was my son , who was standing with few snaps which were lying on the carpet near my bed.

We were almost done, the room was as before, but he stood there, as if I was missing something.

He looked at me, and then down!!!

I followed his eyes, and looked down ...

He was wearing his shoes in wrong legs and his socks clumsily worn.

We smiled..

 I bent down, adjusted his socks and corrected his shoes this time with laces...

He kissed me and rushed out of the room.

I stood there, with tears rolling down my eyes!!!!

Reality

It was late Saturday evening and I was sitting thinking about all that I have to accomplish in a week ahead. Plan my mother’s visit to Muscat , classes I have to attend, articles which I needed to finish ( lying on my desk for a long time now !! ), the grocery list which was nicely stuck on my refrigerator and so on . Not to mention, the minutiae of calls, emails, face book, whattss app (how can we forget that, after all it keeps us connected to family and friends whole day long).

Do I need to mention how I felt, obviously tired, overwhelmed, totally self absorbed and Incapacitated?

Result, today morning I was awake around dawn, sitting in the gallery feeling the gentle breeze which brushed my face now and then, the dew drops on the plants made me smile. I took some deep breaths and instead of heading back into the room decided to do some meditation and watch the sun rise.

We all  rise to  the new day with lots to do and I am no different .Anticipating the day which had just began ,today I had to finish the grocery shopping , pen down a new article , had some fun activities for my son and most important had to take my walk.

The same circumstances which seemed scary, daunting and impossible to manage a night before appeared to be filled with potential in the morning.

Now,

I am doomed- or I am just lucky,

I will get sick – or I will just feel great

I will fall – or my day will be full of promise.

My mind full of thoughts!!

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so ---

These were my thoughts and viewpoints but I term then a little differently I call them as Good Reality and the Bad Reality.

I would rather be in the good reality, the positive, pleasant and the reality which is full of possibility.

With shinning sun,   chirping birds, easy fun flowing life.

Yes problems exist, but if there were no problems we would have never learnt the importance of challenges and never would have learnt how to fight and overcome the challenges.

I as well drop into Bad Reality sometimes, I feel weighed, down, inadequate and powerless at times.

The sun seems nothing more than a gloomy fireball, surroundings are moarse, difficult life which is stagnant.

I can't find my spirit and energy seems to be lost. But I know I can handle it!

When I ponder over, is it a choice I think and it is my viewing lens that changes my experiences.

When I slip back sometimes on my own stream, I change my mind or laugh even do both sometimes. when I feel too tired and can't find my way back. I take rest, take that time-out for myself with a steaming hot cup of tea it’s kind of “I am back to myself “ and Good Reality seems to return.

I keep experimenting with reality, the external world changes, each time, and each day through my viewing lens. Question is can I cross over and how fast. The belief, that by changing my thoughts I can change the Reality and I do manage it but not always!!!!

How about you all? Which reality are you in now?