A Mug ! Full of Love

Gifts always bring that smile on your face, they are always special in a way.

A few days ago I got a gift, this hand painted "MUG" which is full of love , thoughtfulness and wrapped with all the warmth.

I don't have enough words today to show my gratitude and thankfulness on this sweet gesture by 9 year old Anoushka, my dear Angel Friends daughter.

Teaching them that making a gift is an act of thoughtfulness and it takes time and patience. The values taught at this age stay life long, I believe that words are important to show or express things but actions speak louder...

This  gift makes me feel that I am cared for, thought for and there is a moment of connection.

Yes ! God has been a bit selfish in depriving me with a daughter ! But I have my moments with few super cute daughters of my some dear friends who share a bit of bonding with me.

Makes me feel special.

Then gift which locks in wonderful memories that I am going to cherish for  lifetime.

An Empty Nest

Since morning my phone as been buzzing with pictures, amidst the teachers day , ganesh chaturthi messages , my entire focus was on the messages from my nieces.

They move in to an university campus today, makes me happy as they are going on a different journey all by themselves from today. A different world, different people and the most important different country. But happiness is coupled with sadness, the thought of walking in to my sister’s home and not seeing them, the thought of not seeing them for a while now, and the idea of what my “Sister “ a "Mom” is going through today, at this moment.

Thousands of young children are about to start getting settled into their new lives at the university, making new friends walking the new path of their lives. But what about the “MOTHERS”, it’s a new beginning for them as well. Mothers who have changed their kids nappies , have seen them through their sickness, have pulled them from the betrayed friendships. What about her  the “MOM”.

The prolog of your child leaving for the University can be or should I say is “ Stressful”. Having a child leave for university is generally regarded as measure of success, a sense of satisfaction that  you have prepared them for the world. But it satisfaction is followed by the grief, yes you definitely grieve over them leaving the home. We all dread that moment , but we all have to face that  DAY  in our life.

The reality sinks in when after days of sitting on the coach and watching T.V, those late nights end and one fine morning they start cleaning up their room and what all they need goes in those “ Bags” placed on the bed. What is left behind are empty cup -boards and book shelves.

The reality sinks in when in the University all the doors welcome you with all that “Smiles”.

The reality sinks in when all of the sudden you stand right there and all these doors began to close. The corridor becomes empty , you stand there, that hug when you are trying to balance your emotional and physical self !! As your child walks pass that empty corridor making a divide between the family and university.

What flashes in front of you ?

The first day at the kindergarten !!!

The first day at the school !!

The first day at the dance class !! and many other first times.

You want to shout , with those wet blurred eyes, “No !!! Not Yet !! Its too soon !!!!

I am sure you all agree that goodbye hugs are not good they are heart wrenching , though we know that this good-bye does not meant that they are gone forever, but yet it means we are not going to meet for a while.

On your return!!! The  “HOME” isn't the same.

On dinner tables , you have those two empty chairs, the back seats in the car is empty when you have to go for a social family visits!!!!

How much we have taught them to be independent and confident in their lives, all that lessons seems to be hopeless!!! Isn’t it ?

THE NEST IS EMPTY

And we all go through or will eventually go through the Empty Nest Syndrome !!!

You will find few more who are in the same situation as you, you share a tear, a laugh and create a bonding a kind of a connection that makes you realize “you are not alone”.You have faith that they will flourish, they will become young adults , because you have given them what all they needed.

We all learn !!! We all accept !!!

We  accept that they have embarked on new journey learning to make a new nest.

Yes, leaving behind “AN EMPTY NEST”!!!!!!!

You Read It and It Reads You

Literature is not just words ...

It's more than words ....

It's your interaction with your thoughts and these thoughts become live on paper .........

With great pride , I would like to share with you all a blog http://smallgirlstories.blogspot.com

of a 12 year old girl Anoushka Mankodi,a voracious reader and a budding poet

who in today's world, where the technology has taken over the reading brains of the teenagers aspires to be writer / author.

Her poems are her self expressions... More like paintings in words with quality of being amusing.

   

I Believe !!!!

I generally do not insert pictures on my blog !! 

But this one I couldn't resist , had  to share with you all !!!

 

It says ..all that  I want to write !!!

Sometimes there are stormy moments in your life. Times when everything just  does not seem right, and that's the time in your life when your friends do more than just walk with you..... 

They become Angels ...with no wings just in disguise of ordinary person living an ordinary life ....

Who says they reside only in heaven few walk among us on the earth to share our happiest hours and deepest sorrows !! 

Some just dream ! Some just feel ! I have held her in my arms !  

Angels do exist !! I met mine !  

Hope you all meet your's soon !! 

A Hope Not A Promise

She was sitting in her balcony, with a hot chocolate mug in her hand, watching the last sunset of 2015, wondering how life has changed in the last few months. All her friends were to go for the New Year’s Eve party, but she had decided to stay home this 31^stdec. As she watched the sun slithered behind the cloud clad mountains, so did she slip into the flashback!!

Just a day before the Festival of Lights, Diwali as we all Indians call, she had visited the gynecologist thinking she had some hormonal issues, hence did the blood test followed by an ultra sound.

“It can’t be pregnancy!!”  She told the radiologist. ”May be some cyst or an ineffective organ needs to see its way out from my body!!”  She added laughing.

The next minute, what she heard was very familiar sound …. “Heartbeats”!!! Yes it was the sound of the “heartbeats”.

She looked towards the monitor screen dazed, shocked and happy all at the same time.  The radiologist standing there smiling looking straight into her eyes…….

 They drove back home, with “Pin Drop Silence in the Car “.The silence was finally broken.

“Does this all mean that I am going to be an elder bro”? Asked her 10 year old while getting out from the car’s rear seat.

She and her husband preferred not say anything as yet to their son till enter the house.

She was happy and so was her husband. They sat and discussed for a while and finally settled down a bit. She was wobbly, quivering but she had to share it with her “Angel Friend “.

She dialed her number.

In few minutes, two of her friends were at the door hugging her. 

Since then it has been time of bliss. She has been dreaming about a complete family. She has been dreaming about a girl child.

“Mom !!! There’s someone to see you”! her son said. And she returned to the present .She got up rather carefully from the balcony chair and made her way to the hall room.

She had received a call from the hospital that the long awaited; few pending test results were ready.

Time had passed and now she was in the 19^th week She was young she thought, if 42 was new 22 as told by her angel friend..Her first pregnancy was all ok, some normal placental issues were there but nothing was wrong, so she was sure all is going to be fine this time too. She had almost passed her 1^st trimester being completely unaware that she was pregnant. She had not taken and precaution, which needs to be taken and nothing had gone wrong. Her immense faith in god made her believe that nothing can go wrong now.

“Ma’am the doctor is waiting for you “, the lady at the front desk counter told her while handing over the printed report.

“Oh!! But she doesn’t even know that we are here to collect the report “she replied while going through her reports, trying to understand the medical jargons.

“Yes! Ma’am she left a message for us, that when you come to collect the reports, we should direct you to her”, replied the lady without taking her eyes off her computer.

“Thank you”, she and her husband responded in chorus made their way to the elevator.

The room on the first floor was full of happy pregnant ladies. They waited for a while, and then the doctor, called them in the cabin.

She and her husband were curious to know about the reports.

They wished the doctor, and with a brief eye contact and a smile, “doctor, hope all is ok? Asked the husband sitting next to his wife.

“ Hmm !!! it does not look too good “ the doctor replied. The reports state , “ Trisomy 21 “ is above cut of range, which means that there is a very high risk that the baby is not normal.  I can’t guarantee, that the baby at the time of delivery would be a normal kid”, she added.

She and her husband , staired at the doctor in disbelief. No genetic history , the first kid is a normal kid, no family history of abnormality than how could this happen. She asked the doctor.

Doctor said,” Yes to my surprise also!!!”, But we can’t ignore the report. I suggest we do some further tests which unfortunately are not done here, I suggest you go to your home country ”.

They took the next day’s flight to the motherland, with wet eyes, but with lot of hope and faith.  She was confident that the test reports were wrong, the pathology had goofed up big time, and she needs to be doubly sure before they come to any decisions.

They did the entire tests including the other few tests in India, and the results arrived in two days.

When they walked in the doctor’s cabin, he looked at them and confirmed their worst fear.

The reports were 98.9 percent positive, meaning she had a Down syndrome kid. No further tests or surgeries could change what was already done.

 Pregnancy is a gamble, who said it was a guarantee.

They knew what had to be done, a decision which killed them a thousand times, and it will keep killing them all their life.

 Yes the baby might live, but that’s not the life they had chosen for their kid.

Nobody told what was inside her was just “A HOPE NOT A PROMISE “.

This is “HER” story, and it might have no significance to any!!!

But it did teach me Few Lessons!!!!!

We all go through painful times in our lives.

We start expecting a lot in life, but life like pregnancy is very unpredictable. Expectations are the root cause for all heartache. And more worse is the hope. Hope is a very dangerous thing, not always but sometimes hopes just sets up for huge disappointments.  Once you start hoping, with each passing day your expectations increase as well. So the best thing is “no expectations no disappointments”.

How great it would be if the things just turned out the way you had planned it, but it does not happen all the time. Things do go wrong, and they don’t get always fixed. You can’t put it together like it was before.  

The result is you loose your smile, you end up crying, and you end up in Grief. There is no specific rule book to grief; grief is as individual as your fingerprint. Your grief can never end, but it does changes. If you are going through grief, never think you are weak or you lack the faith. Just remember one thing that if you are in grief you are paying the price of love.

The pain will stay with you, in your heart as a memory.

 Generally grief and pain tend to change you as a person; you either get bitter or better. Whether you let it make you a better person or tear you down is going to be your decision, fate cannot decide that.

I feel the experience of grief has neither  any rules nor has any shortcuts. What needs to be done is forget about the past, like the trees shed the dead leaves and creates new ones. It will take its own time; it’s not that you are going to come out of the pain in a day. It might take you days, weeks, months or years!!!

Take your time!!!  Strive to become a better version of what you were created.  Refuse to be held by pain.

Breathe life!!!  Dream Again!!!  Let the hope and faith get stronger!!!

Show that you can overcome!!!

Because, Without Faith, Hope and Trust... there is no promise.