Sunday, March 25, 2012

Rebuilding Trust - Not Easy.. Not Impossible Either..

In relation to my yesterdays post about jealousy, and what it could do to relationships. We all know how important role “trust “plays in lives of people.

We all believe the most vital ingredient for the healthy relationship is trust, and once broken or damaged is it really easy to rebuild trust? 

You lose trust you lose everything, it’s a painful experience which often involves a lot of hurt, confusion anger and sadness. And the worst part is dealing with them, when you are trying to rebuild the trust again.

I have always noticed (or rather heard) from people; they always want to get even with the partner. It may sound childish, but when someone does not understand our hurt and pain we try to make them feel what we are feeling, (it’s mostly and unconscious response). Not feeling understood leads to a game of inflicting mutual hurt.

Most of the time, the partners do not take that time to understand each other or even take that extra step to do it and other time they get defensive ( or feel  always under attack situation !!).
When in a relationship we accuse or we are accused of wrongdoing , it often is followed either by an excuse and explanation , sometimes apologies  or we tend to withdraw with vengeance with an idea to attack back ( just waiting for that moment or a chance!!!!!)

Do these strategies really work? The answer is a big NO! All these things fail to create an understanding. People need to be felt understood before an apology or explanations are offered or accepted. It’s virtually impossible to rebuild trust until you understand the person you have hurt or vice a versa. 

In such situations where one is trying to rebuild trust, we have to see it from a partner’s point of view. We have to acknowledge the other persons feelings and their interpretation of the situation. (Everyone gets hurt, angry and they have all the right to be upset!!).

To rebuild trust , I guess is not an easy thing to do , but if the other persons feelings are understood and considered as fair and legitimate and they are told you get what they feel, the road to regain trust is going to be much easier. When someone feels understood when they are upset, they are more likely to calm down and listen to the other side of the story. They tend to forgive and even get closer.

If you are not ready to give it all up yet and you have the energy and the will power to keep hanging in there you can survive this phase.

Talking and listening to one another is a key to getting through this. Talking to one another on a rational adult to adult level, leaving aside accusations and emotions , just telling each other how the current situations makes you feel.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and when you love somebody the journey to that light is a worthwhile trip.

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