Why Bad Things Happen Only To Good People ??

Time and again people have struggled with this question and it has largely been on my mind since few months.

One of the best people I know – my Brother Kurush – had a very bad accident few months ago. While coming down the stairs in his house he missed a few and had a great fall. The damage was so severe that his both heels were damaged.

My brother has always been active , enjoyed working and being on his feet all the time , but with the surgery  on both his legs, just as clear it was that things will have to change ( for how long was question we all were not sure about !!! ).

I was distressed when I had heard the news and to be honest am still shaken by it – (when I think about how much worse the accident could have been!!). His wife and notably his daughter (my niece) who were there with him at that time were totally devastated.

For me, as I worked through my worry and grief I kept asking myself: Why Do Bad Things Happen Only  To Good People? I know people often say this when tragedy occurs, but this is not simple words or lip service- my brother is a good man!!!

He is a very strong family guy, married to the women he loves, his daughter who is an apple of his eye. He is a devoted son, loved by his siblings (my sister and me!!) nieces, nephews, cousins. Over the years and till date he continues to open his home and heart whenever family, friends or community required it.

Yes, he is a good person and that did not make life simple for him. God sends us trials to test us, and I don’t deny to it, there must be some truth in it. My brother‘s life has not been easy all this years, he has put in a lot of hard work to reach where he is today in his life. Many of us are stronger and it takes difficult challenges to make that clear. This never applied to my brother, he had many challenges over the course of his life (losing our father, when he was in his 20”s,)  was the biggest as he had my mom and we two sisters to look after now! I think what he has is good hold on his strengths.

It is this, inner strength only, that after such an accident he is back on his feet today. He is greatly loved by many people. Not just his immediate and extended family but by many people whose lives he has touched in all these years.  I know there were prayers on his behalf from all those who knew him as a person, for the kind of man HE is !!

We all grieved with him, during his difficult time, those days when he was restricted on the  bed, the days when we had to use a dreadful wheelchair during the hospital visits. All that is now a frightful and horrifying past, today we all feel proud when we look at the many gifts that God has given him.

Today, when he is back on his feet, what few see is that he limps a bit. (I know he limps a bit, but it’s a phase that would pass soon). What  I  is see is so much more than the simple sum of his parts and in the end it’s the size of his heart that one notices the most.

Festival Of Lights - Home And Away !!!!

Diwali is the festival of lights, one of the biggest festivals in India. It is the time when India is at its best festive mood.  Where not only houses, but the roads and public buildings are festooned with lights just like how people do around Eid and Christmas in the different parts of the world. The traditional way of placing tiny oil lamps on windowsills and on paths leading to the house making the house look bright ,colorful rangoli patterns embellish the entrances to households and mithai’s which are consumed in abundance. It comes as complete package lights, sweets, new cloths and yes!!! Not to forget gifts.

You would agree with me that the real education does not began at any kindergarten , but at home with parents and grandparents who would inculcate the real values and culture in us. I grew up in Ahmedabad with my parents and grandparents. If you have been fortunate enough and privilege enough to spend your life and share you homes with your grandparents, I am sure you would also agree, that they are the ones how introduce us to the meaning of love and traditions of festival.

When I think of my Diwali back home, years back!! . I remember how my grandmother and mother would put rangoli comprising of the different shapes, flowers and leaves imagination was the limit for the designs. The exciting part for me as a kid was nothing but the firecrackers and how eagerly I would wait for the rituals to finish so I could go and burst my share of crackers with my brother and sister.

The celebration this festival of lights has seen big changes, today the rangoli has been replaced by stickers, the prayers are now loaded on smart phones and iPods which were once recited  by us.

Diwali has changed from what we knew it to be, but perhaps we ourselves have changed so much , what has not changed are the love and warmth it carries.

While in India, it’s a welcome break from work and apt time to catch up with friends and family –old and new. So what if the life has got busier and we no longer have time to visit family and friends as we did in past, greeting each other over the mobile and social networking site would not be a bad idea J

I believe that the conventions or traditions should not necessarily stand in the way of growth and modernization, it is also important that we do no rob the original charm that the festival has and the nostalgia attached to it.

For most of us Diwali is about hectic socializing and time spent with family, it’s more than just gaining some extra pounds here and there, rat racing of gifts and losing a bit while gambling. It’s also searching for some answers that make the good and evil within and without us.

For me it has been 9 years, since we are out of India now, and we have been celebrating Diwali with some close friends away from our family and relatives. Things might have changed, but if I was back in India, I would slither back into the mood of festivity for sure and enjoy it like it did before.

Diwali at home, with family, with those who matter to you in life, It’s all about celebrating your bonding with your family and close pals in true sense.

Nevertheless, just thinking about Diwali downpour my being with joy as well as warmth!!  Time cannot erase it!! It will remain with me forever!!!

Happy Diwali to All once again!!!

Y Worry

“I know worry works because nothing I worry about ever happens “. 

Worry is a silent killer, like a slow poison.   People say it’s a chronic illness, an illness which is dreadful than physical illness, because it not only effects our body but our mind too.

Frankly speaking , I also worry a lot – about the most significant things to the big things like , health , relationships , finances  -  I worry a lot !!!.  And guess because I spend so much time worrying, the particular quote attracted my attention, and my thought train started its journey!!!

Actually yes, if we think seriously we would find that it is really no use worrying about anything. It’s really foolish to worry about past or future. Nobody can change the past. What has happened has happened. As far as the future, then something that has yet not arrived, why would we let it affect us?  Many things which are going to happen will happen no matter what!! If it is going to rain, it is going to rain!!! We cannot stop it...

What has yet to come, the things we have yet to face, why spend time in worrying, and it only tires us and diminishes our competence to clear thinking and planning. Believe you me, problem solving only requires clear thinking and planning.

The things that seem today very big and important will seem trifle tomorrow. Why worry about spilled milk, or a broken glass, or a missed plane!!!

Of course, nobody worries for the sake of worrying .it comes into the mind, then decides to stay on and never leaves.  But there are people who never worry, and I wonder why can‘t I be one of them, I feel worrying is more like a bad habit, and like all habits, habit of worrying is also difficult to get rid of.

 I decided to take up a project (kind of personal project) to stop worrying and be happy.  to start with I have decided to choose one of the three things : to address the issue on hand then and there, if  I cannot do anything about it at that moment, give time to address it later, or decide it’s not at all important and let it go !!!!  To make it simple, 

Act on it, file it or throw it away!!!!!

Maybe my research project on worry will help me to lighten up, smile, and live each day in such a way.

I f you are worrying, bring to a halt your thoughts for a moment and try to snoop to the sounds around you, try to  give thought, and be present to this key moment.

Smile for no reason what so ever, you may find that's the best reason of all.

A Year Wiser !!!!!!

I celebrated my birthday a few days ago and I’m glad that times have changed those old beliefs, when celebrations were mainly to ward off evil spirits, which got attracted to people on their birthdays and to protect them, friends and family visited the birthday person, so to bring him best wishes and good.  To me there is nothing more fun than Happy Birthday greetings among friends and family who care… 

Birthdays are strange things, when we are young we can’t wait for them. And when we are older, we pretend they don’t happen J.

I remember when I couldn't  wait to reach 10 (guess the double digit excitement !!), and then 13 ( yes the pleasure of reaching the teens !!), 18  so that I could drive with a license ,( though was riding my sisters two wheeler well before illegal of course !!!!) and then when I reached 21 I was happy that I had the right to vote ( show off the rest that black dot on the finger which marked that you are an adult with a right to vote !!).

As we get older, our birthdays seem to lose their sheen I know many people who prefer to ignore their birthdays. Why do they do that?? !!

I believe that it’s a dishonor to ignore the opportunity to reflect upon the years which have gone by, birthdays are the cherished reminders. It’s less about gifts but more about sitting with loved ones and navigating through all the milestones which you could achieve and also reflect upon those bumpy and bouncy years, when you struggled. And I am sure there would be plenty to talk as well as laugh about.

We have to be real, it’s a birthday and how much one tries to ignore every single person wants it to be celebrated.  

Life is too short, and time is moving faster. And with each passing year, try to change the landscape of life for you and for the ones who matter to you as well.  Birth is the beginning of life ,  so on each birthday ( think of it as a significant occasion !!!), be thankful for coming into this world and accomplishing what all you could and what all you have in your life.

So, now when it’s your birthday, gather family and friends and celebrate. Celebrate the fact that you have lived and learned one more year!!!!  That‘s what I do on my birthday’s!!!

After all on each birthday you don’t become older, you become wiser!!!!

What more can one ask of a birthday!!!!

Fly or Be Invisible!!!!!

Few days back we had invited some of our friends over at home, and apparently on their arrival and being asked about my son, I directed them to his room. Recently my son's favorite serials happen to be “Power Rangers “and “Rhykendo “and all super power stuff. (chhota bheem , tom and jerry  happens to be kiddy  stuff now a days for him !!!) . On reaching his room , my friends husband saw him watching some super power serial ( I am a bit to bad at the names !!!!).

I couldn’t hear their conversation, as got busy with the guests in the living room, but after a while when my friend’s husband returned to the living room; he had that smile on his face. On asking what made him smile, he said “I asked your son, if he got a chance what super power he would have, ability to fly or to be invisible? He was very clear, he wanted, TO FLY!!!!  It was no surprise for me, as he is a physical child, as is always on a goooooo!!!!!

We all had a hearty laugh at the conversation they had and at the same time, the same question became the point of discussion among the adults. We started wondering, what would we choose?

To me it seemed no brainer, to fly most definitely!!!! (Each one had their own choice!!!)

To me ability to fly offered a lot more fun, adventure, freedom. The thought of just being able to go anywhere, anytime (without gas, without traffic jams,); you are there in a split second!!!!

Being invisible, offers range of opportunities as well, but to me it just seemed a bit sneaky (or guesses I was a bit uncomfortable thinking about it!!).

When we all were sharing our thoughts on the question thrown, I started to think, what does our choice say about us? It actually revealed more about us, our choices reflect us isn’t it!!!

All the men sitting in my living room, choose to fly and most of the women wanted to be invisible (no surprises why??). All the men wanted to reach everywhere faster and without traffic jams and hassles and women wanted to be invisible so they can sit and listen to what is being said about them!!! 

My 6 year old  who had just entered the living  room with his friends , happened to hear us  , and said “ Ahh , you all are talking about the superpowers, but they use it to help others !!!

We realized that , we were discussing about superpowers and how it can be of use to US, not to help others  !! 

Though this could certainly, appear to be superficial topic and question, but definetly led to a deeper discussion!!!

What are your thoughts? What do you think?

Which one would you choose? What would you want your kids to have?

Give a Smile

The morning sun was bright and shinning I was on my morning walk as usual, it has been 2 years now  I have shifted to this  premise, I am neither known to all by name, nor are they to me. I do come across  familiar faces every day ,  but even if I try to smile, few  just pass by not noticing  with their heads down ,and  other few, there is just a blank look on their  faces , with an expression  “ What !!! Do I know you? Am I supposed to laugh back!  Are you expecting me to Smile back at you?

The only thing which is common among all of us was we all have head phones plugged in our ears.

This made me think, in today’s world of technology we do not have ample opportunity to get personal. Life has become so fast paced and everyone seems to be in the rush. We spend long hours working on the computers, playing games on PSP’S or android phones. Even a smallest of the task on the list which we need to get it done, we email it to the colleague, who sits in the cubicle just 3 feet away from us. The long phone calls have reduced to a line on the walls or like buttons on the social networking sites.

Don’t get me wrong, I love technology. I can not imagine every being without my phone ,my laptop and I am equally guilty of spending large part of my day working on line .There is a never ending list and I can expound on the many benefits that technology has brought into our lives. How ever, as a result of the technology in today’s world, our personal touch with one another is reducing .We humans are becoming strangers, we have started existing and stopped living.

I have experienced myself ( and I am sure , many of you would have too), even if we make a call to talk for a small thing, the instant response would be ,” hey why did you call , you could have just whattss  app me “ or “ just an Sims would have been fine , there was no need to call “. I feel, did I do something terribly wrong by making that call, or talking over the phone is not the in thing now-a-days, what? What is it? Am I losing touch with the fasting moving techno savvy world?

We were taught since our childhood, when a smile comes from a person you should resciprocete with a smile back, it’s a natural inclination and you do that without giving it a thought. Smile has completely taken a back seat. We just have forgotten what smile can do!! (Just try to fiddle with your phone or iPod or whatever gadget you have, when you want to ignore a person or a looks simple!!)

I don’t mean to imply that giving and receiving a smile is the solution to the world’s problems but it is definatley a good way to start. Sometimes a small smile can start a conversation, which can become an enjoyable experience. You might just end up getting a friend, for a lifetime with just that one smileJ. We all need to feel that sense of belonging after all we are all the members of the same human family.

There is a power in the smile; it is as though that instant someone waved a wand and all the drudgery disappeared. You no longer feel frustrated instead you feel warm and the person who offered a smile just turns from a stranger, to be wary kindred spirit

We should feel moved to embrace each other in our hearts and minds. So go ahead and smile you might not get a smile back, but your smile might just make their day!!!!!!

Cross Culture

Few days back someone asked me, “Oh, you and your husband belong to different cultures? How did you manage? “What does culture mean to you?” And my answer was a Bowl of Salad... you can have a green bowl of salad with a normal dressing or you can have a bowl of fruits, more colorful and pleasant.

With the surprised look, the person stood there in front of me for a while and then made his way towards other guests after a while, it made me smile and think at the same point, that was it really a big thing that I belonged to a different culture. (After all these years of marriage, the question raised lots of questions in my big head and small brain!!!).

Culture can be defined by many words but if you really think hard, culture is nothing but values, traditions, rituals, morals, beliefs and sum of all the knowledge which is learned, acted upon and then finally shared and transmitted to the next generation by means of workplace, house, educational institutions or government.

Culture gives us and identity and a label nothing else. Culture describes in many ways how the human beings express or behave for the purpose of uniting with others. Forming groups and distinguishing them from other as unique.

When I said, a green salad bowl means (to me!!) a culture where people isolate from other and prefer to stick to their own values and ethics. For them rest of the other culture is of no value and their culture is the only one which is existing.

Whereas, a bowl full of fruits counterparts the most in word or the catchphrase of today ‘Cross Culture’. Where people from all different types of backgrounds and diverse thoughts unite and make a bowl more colorful.

It is so normal of anybody to think of others way of dressing to be weird, bizarre food habits, strange beliefs and unusual language. We find all that strange and are not ready to accept them as they are. It’s really disappointing to see that we fail to understand others and their point of views, and generally draw our own conclusions.

Why not try to diversify because to some the taste of a green salad bowl would be the best but to some it may not be?

Why not try a bowl of fruits, because culture differences will not separate us from one another, it will only bring us near to other cultures and explore it.

Cross Culture is definitely today’s ‘buzzword’, but still there are lots of people who are uncomfortable blending with one another in marriages or even a workplace.

I am happy with a decision I took , 9 years ago , a life partner who is from a different culture  , and today my son is not restricted to the only so called “ GREEN SALAD BOWL “ but enjoying "FRUIT SALAD BOWL".

My Article @Triond

How do we become happy? The question still remains and the answer to that I guess is, you don’t have to have the best of the things in the world, but it’s about doing the best out of every single thing you have.

Read more: http://socyberty.com/philosophy/what-is-genuine-happiness/#ixzz25V3FVS58


http://socyberty.com/philosophy/what-is-genuine-happiness

My Article @Yahoo Voices

Failure has turned out to be the greatest motivators for all. People who have tasted failure would never want to taste it again in life. It motivates one to do better in life and do it with their whole heart and soul. One should never forget that the great achievers have also gained things after few failures only!

http://voices.yahoo.com/change-mind-set-failure-good-11693260.html?cat=70

Happy Friendship Day !!! ( Belated )

LOVE: “Why do you exist even when I do?

FRIENDSHIP replies: “To put a smile where you have left tears.”  (Guess lots of us have read this somewhere!!).

Pal , buddy , companion, whatever you call them , it remains the same : ( as Shakespeare said , “ what’s in a name ? ), it does not matter what we call our friend, what matters is the bond  of love and care we share with each other .

Friendship is the first relation we learn to build as a child, and it’s not taught nor are we aware of it. It’s like a spontaneous urge that we feel. Friendship creates vigor in life and adds color to it, a best gift of god on the earth, is a friend and without friendship life is a like an imprisonment.  I would say it’s the best possession we can ever acquire in a lifetime.

An infrastructure of every relationship is – Friendship. everyone needs someone , that one person who will accept him or her , listen , and let them know they are not alone , that’s friendship is all about = holding the hand when you are empty inside and not standing in the crowd only when you are in joy. Friendship is an unending flow of feelings and emotions. It definitely is not a one way street, it demands commitment from both. The fruits of friendship are always sweet and it would drop from the tree only we are most hungry (I am sure, most of you will agree with me J ).

Friends have always been essential part of my life. If truth be told, they form the heart of my life and not only a part of it.

Though now there are so many attractive and purposeful sites. (All know what I m hinting at yes fib, what’s app bla bla bla J to reunite friends).  ,  I have not been able to keep in touch with lots of old pals  as well as the new one’s I have made   in this journey  of life ( list of reasons are too long !!!  ).

I hope that the friendship gets better every day and get back all my lost friends and some new to enjoy life to the fullest.

I end this post , dedicating it to all my friends , although that I have always found it very difficult to define friendships , I believe that that best things are always best described when they remain UNDESCRIBED.!!!!

Happy Friendship Day!!!!! ( Belated !!)

Oldies Require Their Space

The morning sun was bright and shining, the roads a bit less busy being Thursday ( Its weekend  time in Oman ), I was enjoying my drive back home after dropping my son for  his karate classes, thinking what all have to finish in this 2 hours of time I have with me, till I go back to pick him up.  On my way , I stopped to pick up my laundry , I was sitting and noticing the people passing by , while the laundry guy came to place the laundry in the back seat of the car (the privilege of being a lady !!!  I guess to get the service till the car door!!!).

And right in front of me, I see and an old woman shuffling around the road and she suddenly stopped and started to look around. I was watching her , as I was watching the rest , for at least 5 minutes, while the sun was beating over her , she was unsure what she wanted to do .

I could not stop myself , I got down of my car and asked her if she needed help, she blankly looked at me ,  I realized that she did not understand English , but she did understand that I had extended my hand , and that was to help. Not knowing what to do next, I just brought her to the laundry shop, and offered her the chair. She was totally disoriented, but regained her composure in 5 -10 mins, and with the help of the laundry person (fortunately, they learn Arabic from their business point). I was able to take her home.

While me and the laundry fellow, rang the door bell of the house,( wondering and hoping we are at the right house !!! )  the door was answered by his son , he told us that his mother had the habit of slipping away.And how thankful he was that we had brought her home .I left the  house ,with a sigh of relief , that  the women was at her home in peace and with her loved ones !!!!!! ( While I wondered if he meant,  slipping away was mentally or physically ?) . 

Anyways , I had no time to go home now, so I headed back towards my son’s karate classes to pick him up and  now  the thoughts were all different then what I had before.

Why would someone do something like this and slip away from the house? Was it something abnormal? No, I guess it was not, why should they sit home and do nothing just because they have aged? Why should they stop doing something they have been doing since they were kids?

Why elderly people get dismissed at times?  I guess the general feeling is that a bed and a plate of food is their only need in the old age and that is what going to make them feel secure!!! Wrong!!!! Have we ever thought that only a room to exercise their freedom and over and above children who take them for granted, is the major cause. I understand that their bones may be weak now, the memory fading with time but enthusiasm is as high as it was ever, for their independence.

My father always uses to be out on his own till he breath his last. My mom, who till today is on her own, doing things and managing house as well as outside activities. Why just my parents, even my in –laws, they are on their own in their 70’s, it’s just difficult to keep them indoors, they are just not content sitting home doing nothing. There has been always a horrible feeling, that something might happen to them when they are out there alone, but nothing ever happened to them (grace of god!!!)

.

I have few friends , whose father’s have worked for 40 -50 years , and then find it difficult to stay in bed after six in the morning, they still continue the same routine and are reason they are healthy , few have started their own small time business , though not profitable in any kind but yes keeps them busy and occupied .

Have we given a thought that when we are young time just is not enough, it just seems to be running and we are always in a dilemma that are we earning enough to give our kids a better life and secure future, not knowing that when we will get old time is never going to be important, and will our children ever spare a thought to our needs.

During my morning walks I come across lots of old people who are sitting and sipping hot coffee, talking about their yester years and wondering what the generation of today is going to be, and not far from there I see a few young bunch of people, who are all engrossed with their hi –tech technology gadgets, or occasionally shouting and disturbing the morning tranquility.

I believe the gap between the two groups is the testimony to the division between the two generations.

Wonder how we will put it when we are in our twilight years, as my friend philosophically says,

I will put my feet up and watch young people sweat it out, where as I will do nothing -

Or as I put it in old days you graduate from Somebody to Nobody.

 I will definitely tell my son never try and make attempt to chain me indoors , when my time to drool comes, I better cross the busy roads of life in my twilight years and enjoy what is left for me in this world !!!!

Crippled by Technology

This indeed is the 21^st century, and society we live in is full of gadgets, toys, more toys, and gizmos. These are the things that induce style, fashion, status and class. Not to forget that these things are available to almost everyone, not just privileged few.

People from all walks of life are glued to it, and thanks to the advances in the world of technology the print and the electronic media are flooded with advertisements that appeal to one and all.

Open any newspaper, magazine you will find endless advertisements appealing, tempting and never ending, staring right on your face. You can’t miss it for sure!!!

The goods and services are just a click away, a click of a mouse and you can order things or service at your door step …

We are raising our children, today’s young generation, in the epoch of consumerism. We are the ones who have introduced them to techno savvy lifestyle at young age.Toys are now made too vivid, leaving not much room for children  for imagination and imaging. As we know, imagination is the fundamental of creation, and once we lose the ability to imagine and imaging , we lose the ability of creating..I remember the days, when a small toy, a doll, a piece of candy use to bring that smile on our face. Gone are those days, when life use to be simple and shopping for the kids use to be fun.

Placate, voyages, homes, lavishness, name it and it’s within the reach of the person who is ready to pay the price. The paraphernalia of a high-quality life are no longer just a dream or the exclusive realm of the wealthy. And this is just the beginning of the obvious, noticeable expenditure of the society. Behind the convenience, it’s not longer the matter of meeting the need, it’s the “want “. Each and every member of the family has his own want list, the list which gets longer and longer day by day.

Do not get me wrong, I am not against technology; it’s very much a part of our daily lives. Technology is wonderful, faster and more accurate. It has helped us to explore the space, the depths of oceans and the untraded parts of the earth. Mankind will be ever so grateful, for the advances it has made in science, communication and medical field.

But don’t you think, there are downsides to it as well, man wants more of convenience that comes with it. If fuels the imagination, stimulates the need to want more, is encourages the desire to pamper oneself when we have more then what we need, generally promotes a sense of good lifestyle. May it be an occasion or any season, market has endless ideas and goods, where in the quality is slipping down too fast. I

Have we ever thought that how did we manage before; when most of the chores were done manually and the time taken to finish them, it’s obvious that the convenience that technology offers is hard to ignore. Push a button and laundry and dishes are done, wouldn’t you be lost without a remote, a cell, phone which is now a mini computer!!!!

Communication is revolutionized; each and every member of the family has to be wired. The added paraphernalia that goes with it , some of the items are good to have but not a necessity  it does not matter , it becomes a must have ..

The quest for merchandise goods is at excessive proportions. It hits terribly the core of an individual. Some can or will solely measure triumph relative to their material chattels. Some determine their self-worth with material acquisitions. The words status and prestige are medals they wear proudly, and it makes them happy as well.

How much of these goods are available on credit? How many sleepless nights are spent doing endless calculations and adjustments? Is there room for a quiet time that comes at no cost? Or do they experience that feeling of emptiness amid snug surroundings?

The women who are involved in drug abuse, are not bad, neither are they evil, but they are sick and need treatment. The perception among women who succumb to drugs is that “No one is going to be affected, or nothing is going to happen, even if they die “, but they don’t realize that they are not abusing substance, but their own self.

My  article @womensweb

http://www.womensweb.in/2012/05/female-drug-addicts-stigma-india/

Teachable Moment ......

“My dad wears my mommy’s shoes “my 6 year old had told his friends, which I found out few days ago from another parent who now is a friend (guess a concerned parent friend).

When I asked my son about the whole story, he gave me minute to minute detail about the whole thing, that how he had removed from the shoe rack. wore it ,( exact number of times ), how he had cribbed about it during his  drive to the shopping mall , I must say It was a well thought and  carefully elaborated  stuff . Which actually made me think Had he? he had stuck the tale so confidently , that I sheepishly  asked my husband , had he ever even jokingly  tried such a thing ( just for fun sake in front of my son ). Obviously he hadn’t (I was sure of that too!!!!)

We laughed over the whole thing as well as what reputation my husband now had at school, but I was troubled!  Of course, not all kids’ lies are trifling incident you can just laugh at, and I am sure we all want to raise a child with values of honesty. ( I am no different !!! ).

When your child lies to you is something that every parent must face at some point of time, and dealing with it can be source of great stress and concern. I wondered for fear that he would develop into a pathological liar?  Or let it slide, to avoid crushing his creativity?

I am sure we all have said lies in our childhood , I distinctly remember when I was around 7 years, I was trying to fit my hand into a swirl , ( which  I thought it was the same size as my finger ) ,  which I did ,, but was unable to remove it . when my mother had walked by  me and asked “ what happened , your finger is stuck ? “ in an innocent effort to protect myself from being yelled at , I had replied .” naah “ No mamma “!!!!!. My mom did return with pliers in hand after a minute though!!! (Making me believe that large part of her, did not believe in me).

All kids tell lies, or make up stories .Believe it or not, it’s a natural and a healthy part of growing up. (Even pediatritions say that!!).They hear stories from other people all the time, so they make up their own, but often fade the line between reality and fantasy.

That is one thing; but sometimes kids lie because they know instinctively that if they do something wrong, they will see a certain kind of disapproving look on their parents face. So they simply lie to deny responsibility for their actions.

However, this is not something we want to encourage and we should address that we are not happy with the lie they told. We have to understand that they do not know the difference between truth and lie, I am not saying that we should excuse lying, think about it this is the age of invisible friends. , Lions and tigers, monsters, fairy tales and all sorts of imaginary scenarios. Before we take away his privileges for the day, try to find what drove him to lie.

It’s best to avoid punishing them for lying, rather encourage them for coming forward with the truth. 

Naturally it would be ridiculous to punish for bending the truth when they don’t even grasp that what they are doing is wrong.

Using strict parenting skills can’t keep kids from lying; if a kid is going to lie he/she is going to lie!!!. Best thing is ,  if children are caught lying, use it  as a  "Teachable Moment “, a moment to teach them importance of honesty and negativity of lying. 

Seems, its my time for such moments now !!!! 

I woke up, with a phone call in the middle of the night, “Can you come to my place right away” spoke my friend from the other end. I tried to get myself together, and asked her “What happened is everything ok?  Are you fine?  “Will talk once you are here “she said in a hurried voice and hung up.

I had no idea to what had happened and anticipating that it could take me a bit long to return; I woke my husband and informed him about the situation. As the friend’s house was only 3 blocks away, I told him that it would be ok; I would drive down and declined his help to drive me over.

My Article , in women web

http://www.womensweb.in/2012/04/infidelity-extramarital-affairs-relationships/

We brood and cry over hundreds of issues during the day, tout a pink ribbon over our handbags or stick it over our clothes and raise awareness. But do we really do anything about it?  We should have!! We are the women of 21^st century and we’re supposed to know about it.


My Article @ womesweb

http://www.womensweb.in/2012/04/breast-cancer-awareness/#comment-6285

Article in women's web...


http://www.womensweb.in/2012/04/changing-roles/

<a href="http://www.hypersmash.com">www.hypersmash.com</a>

My Article in Womensweb.....

Hope you guys like it !!!!

http://www.womensweb.in/2012/04/destructive-relationship-habits/

Me As An Aunt ....

Becoming an aunt is completely out of one's control. when your sister or sister- in -laws become moms , you become an aunt. There is no planning or great thought to the occasion. It just happens and changes your life . Something like this happened to me as well 13 years ago, when my 3 adorable nieces were born , twin daughters to my sister and 1 to my sister-in law. bringing in 3 angels , in our families was a moment.....

I love this role of an aunt in my life, and when I go back down the memory lane, I remember those afternoons when occasionally I was entrusted with the care of these little ones. My sister and sister- in - law would invariably return home to witness us either playing unimaginable stuff, dancing to the weirdest tunes or eating something that can vaguely be counted as nutritious. I loved those afternoons , and cherish those moments till date.....

I seem to be in love with  that lenient, relaxed approach the aunt hood offers. Over the years , as they have grown , I don't have to be a disciplinary and tell them " Don't eat more chocolates "!! or "Shut that TV down !!!? " instead our conversation is more about " Howzzz Life "( the latest lingo used  ),  or  "Which song is most viewed on Youtube"?.

We enjoy window shopping and trying out those outfits ( pretending to be super models !!). Staying awake till mid night talking or watching TV is on our favorite list. Finally I have to  use a tired avowal that I cannot stay awake any more, or the mommy tool , which goes like  " Mom 's going to be really upset if  we don't sleep ".

I take pleasure in being silly with them and let them be sillier!!!! . I like to spoil them like crazy, doing all the things, their parents would not like at all . Isn't that being an aunt is all about ???

Seeing them grow and watching who they become is the best thing in the life. Not to forget , that all 3 are different in every way and that's what makes them all great.

Because of distance I don't see them often , but those 2 to 3 visits a year  are essential part of my life. I share bond with them , a bond brought together by blood, but stays together by love.

I must say , we are building a unique relationship of our own, separate from the rest of the family......

Joy of Giving or Receiving ?

Few months ago Sandhya ( my house help  ) was not just quite herself. She is a vibrant, lively, and jovial and not to overlook a bit educated as well. A self made, self motivated person, taking the challenges of life head –on. It was obvious that she was in desperate need of something, but was hesitant to ask for.  I had to put in a bit of my talking skills to get the things out of her.

She has been doing the household work for past 17 years now (since she was 20 years!!), and it is taking toil on her health. The reason we all toil day in and out ourselves is for our family and children, she is no different than us, doing the same, the only difference is we are privileged enough to have white collar jobs and she isn’t.

She has done all that she could do for her children (both boys!!) and now was looking in for some good job for the eldest of her son. She was searching for that hand, which could help her to get a job for her son.

We worked out something for her son, helping her resolve the issues. A few days ago . son joined her in Muscat, (with a job in his hand).

Yesterday morning she asked what she could do in return for all the help that we had extended. As all of us would do in such sort of situation , I just smiled and said “ NOTHING AT ALL “, it was our pleasure , and we were happy that we could be of some help .

She had that look of concern and fret, she kept staring at me (with tears rolling down her eyes!) and said again “but I've  got to do something to repay you”. Those look on her face, the feeling of not being able to pay me back struck me.

I could have one more time just said, the same what I had said before “nothing at all “. However, the look on her face, made me understand that she really wanted to give something in return for what she had received. I realized that the best way I could give anything to her was at this point was to accept her offer and say “YES “. By doing this at least I would make her feel honored, special wanted whatever you can say.!!

In that moment I just told her,” Do whatever you feel appropriate “

Finally she, smiled, agreed and started doing her work. For me the topic was over (at least for time being!!).

I  received a call this morning  ( I had thought of not answering  the call as it was reflecting an unknown number ), but my mannerisms told me what so ever I should answer the call  , you never know how important it can be !!!, to my surprise it was Sandhya’s son ,on the other side. He told me how well he was doing and how happy he was with the job.

While I was on the phone with him, the door bell rang, when I opened the door Sandhya was sending right in front of me with a BIG BOX and A BAG in her hand.

She said “How grateful she was and they just wanted to say thank you with a little something. And she handed me the box and a bag.

I was very uncomfortable and again mumbled the same thing that you don’t have to do this and so on and so forth...

Sandhya has been with me since past 2 years now and she knows my biggest passions are books and cakes. I took the box, it did not take me a minute to realize it was “A CAKE “and the bag contained A BOOK!!!!!

I was touched, here she was aware of how I appreciated both these things and here I was totally astounded..!!!!

When you do something for someone else (intention less to get something in return) they feel obligated to do something back. You can term it as “Law of Reciprocation “. By giving her the chance to give something back for what we had done for her, boosted her worth. I presume it made her feel better about herself and more worthwhile.

Is it better for us to receive than give in a situation like this? Yes, I guess by receiving you give more than you can imagine.

As far as I am concerned, this incident, of this day, has left me … SPEECHLESS!!!

Dance Through Life

How would tomorrow look? How would my world interact?

When I look out the window at the bright sunshine, blue skies and magical clouds, somewhere along the way, I began to remember about the cause and effect. Suddenly some limitations came into existence. Continuing to grow and mature, I learned to reason and apply my own critical thinking to situations that may or may not happen. I start creating a new reality within the context of my mind and my past experiences.( Wonderful as well as some worth erasing )

Every day we would do well to forget many of the happenings of our yesterday. No bias, no fear, no limitations, no expectations, just wonder. Wonder and curiosity accompanied by joy and love. This intrigues me greatly!!!

How many times you really have said “YES “, when actually you wanted to say a “NO”?

Have you ever felt, that in the life’s ups and downs, we actually have stopped dancing? the life has become stale or is on a standstill ?

One day hopeful, the other goes in sheer destitute, one day in love, the next day hateful ( worth erasing ! ), one moment playful, the next moment serious, and one day success is at your feet , the next day you  embrace failure.

We're constantly moving and changing. The only constant is the calmness, the stillness, the silence, the quiet place deep inside where spirit connects spirit. We generally feel it in the closest moments of intimacy with family or significant others.

It is experienced in the greatest insightful moment of joy and all words, all senses; all intellectual capacity has escaped us. There is nothing left to figure out, there is only to forget. 

But there is something more to this experience of life. Don’t you think we are confided to living a life sentence in our self created jail? We are just conditioned beasts of labor and love.

There is, and always was, so much more available to us. It exists everywhere, in the most extraordinary and ordinary. The only way I can explain the discovery, is to dance through the road of life.

Many things may seem unattainable, it is the peak possibility, of that there is no doubt.

But, a grain of salt brings flavor to the most tasteless things in the world, I want to be that grain of salt ( though very small ) and flavor each day for a fantastic experience of life .

I want to dance through  life ……and I am exactly doing that !!!!!!

Rebuilding Trust - Not Easy.. Not Impossible Either..

In relation to my yesterdays post about jealousy, and what it could do to relationships. We all know how important role “trust “plays in lives of people.

We all believe the most vital ingredient for the healthy relationship is trust, and once broken or damaged is it really easy to rebuild trust? 

You lose trust you lose everything, it’s a painful experience which often involves a lot of hurt, confusion anger and sadness. And the worst part is dealing with them, when you are trying to rebuild the trust again.

I have always noticed (or rather heard) from people; they always want to get even with the partner. It may sound childish, but when someone does not understand our hurt and pain we try to make them feel what we are feeling, (it’s mostly and unconscious response). Not feeling understood leads to a game of inflicting mutual hurt.

Most of the time, the partners do not take that time to understand each other or even take that extra step to do it and other time they get defensive ( or feel  always under attack situation !!).

When in a relationship we accuse or we are accused of wrongdoing , it often is followed either by an excuse and explanation , sometimes apologies  or we tend to withdraw with vengeance with an idea to attack back ( just waiting for that moment or a chance!!!!!)

Do these strategies really work? The answer is a big NO! All these things fail to create an understanding. People need to be felt understood before an apology or explanations are offered or accepted. It’s virtually impossible to rebuild trust until you understand the person you have hurt or vice a versa. 

In such situations where one is trying to rebuild trust, we have to see it from a partner’s point of view. We have to acknowledge the other persons feelings and their interpretation of the situation. (Everyone gets hurt, angry and they have all the right to be upset!!).

To rebuild trust , I guess is not an easy thing to do , but if the other persons feelings are understood and considered as fair and legitimate and they are told you get what they feel, the road to regain trust is going to be much easier. When someone feels understood when they are upset, they are more likely to calm down and listen to the other side of the story. They tend to forgive and even get closer.

If you are not ready to give it all up yet and you have the energy and the will power to keep hanging in there you can survive this phase.

Talking and listening to one another is a key to getting through this. Talking to one another on a rational adult to adult level, leaving aside accusations and emotions , just telling each other how the current situations makes you feel.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and when you love somebody the journey to that light is a worthwhile trip.

Monster Called Jealousy

Few days ago a couple (who happen to be friends) approached us, we could sense that the purpose of the visit was more then what met the eye. After the hours of discussion about all the topics in the world, they came to the real reason of their visit.

They’d been having problems in their relationship, to be honest I was feeling good that they had chosen me and my better half to share something so intimate and they could trust and confide in us, but somewhere within I was feeling sad about the whole fact that such a thing could happen with them after so many years of marriage (happy marriage I would say, for them as a couple they were.) His wife  lately has been spending  time with me and the other ladies but I could never sense that there was something really wrong... rather so much wrong.!!!! 

The husband was fearful that his wife was having an affair.

He looked dreadful, tired and overwrought; he displayed to me all the classic signs of a guy who was being eaten up from inside out. His desperation and jealousy was not only making him sick and sad, it was driving her further and further away too! His lack of trust in her was not only insulting but was eroding anything good they’d ever had…..

Here they were at my place, to seek some help and try to get out of the mess they were in, and here we were understanding that there was an obvious problem at hand, but not having a clue in the head as to what we were going to do!!! (Not being professional marriage counselors!!). Hearing them with all the attention, we could derive that all the cause was from a seed called jealousy and nothing more ....

We did our best, which we thought was right at that point of time. Rest we left to them as being mature individuals they would be able to sort out …..And I am sure they will…….

They definitely stayed on my mind the whole night , I thought letting your jealousy show is a fail safe way to lose your dignity ,dismantle your self esteem and frankly , ruin your life !!!!. Nothing can ruin relationships (especially marriage) faster than jealousy.

I am sure; no one thinks straight and clearly when they are jealous. It creates nothing more then anxiety, anger, hate and fear. The end result transforming them from lover supporter, to enemy…..

When you’re jealous you assume the worst. If the spouse is going out with their boss he/she is having an affair (why it can’t be just a simple lunch?).

He / she is not answering the phone that leaves the person thinking that the spouse is with someone else and does not want to take your phone (may be the person is in the supermarket carrying loads of groceries / or simply have left the phone on the desk and is somewhere else!!!)

 Wow, we sure make life tough for ourselves sometimes, isn’t it?

I believe such situations in relationship arises when for some reason you don’t feel easy to communicate openly and easily anymore , means something has changed……

Or perhaps one or both partners are manipulating their power by withholding things out of anger, hurt or may be plain thoughtlessness.

Whatever the situations, what it creates is communication “black holes “, easily filled with fury and fantasy.

Best way to handle the awful feelings of jealousy is you need to communicate, stop assuming the worst and ask, open the lines.

Stop looking thirsty for assurance. How on the earth can we can respect each other if you don’t respect yourself enough to control your fears and paranoia?

Most important of all , is to remind each other why are we together in the first place, and understand that a relationship is only worth keeping alive if u can trust each other.

And remember, jealousy is demeaning and embarrassing. It is a sign of weakness and fear.

In the end the fastest way to kill the monster has nothing to do with your partner, and everything to do with you. 

When you have great self-esteem, jealousy has no choice but to pack its bags, and leave town!

Celebrating Myself

When I think of being a woman!!! I ask the question to myself,” What it means to be a woman? “.

Every time we are asked to fill up the form of any kind, it has an obvious check box male or female. Separate but equal, different but equal. Men and women are different and I am not saying for good or for worse, but there is a difference and this difference should be celebrated.

When I truly look at myself, as who am I as a woman I am astounded. Yes, I love my femininity and the power that goes along with it. I am celebrating that …..

We are the representatives of creation, we create a form from the formless in the course of nine months, we are the giver of life and I am celebrating that…..

I am loving the journey , I have travelled so far as a daughter to my parents, a sister to my siblings , a girlfriend/a lover /a wife to my husband and most important role which I play now as a stay at home mother.

I do not work (how terrible it may sound to few!!!). But  I have lot of tasks to do , the laundry that piles as fast as it was cleared, picking the toys that litter around the house , the finger prints on clean  glass door, be a chef for the house and once in a week for the guests, , to check the foreheads of the loved ones ( to see if they are warm ), listen to the dream my son has when he is going to be an adult, do homework ( as much as that I can get a degree again ), play games ,( even though it means just to repetition of what we have done innumerable times ). But I don’t work!!!! I am not contributing to the family in monetary terms but, my contribution is beyond, from dusk to dawn caring, loving, nurturing, listening and I am celebrating that…..

I love to sacrifice what all I have or known for the people in my life, but I also stand up for what I believe in and fight to get what is rightfully mine!!!! And I deserve to have it.

I have enough sugar and spice in my life, the family plays the sweet part and I add up to the spice by being what t I am and what I want to be following my dreams. I am celebrating that…….

I spread warmth and love, I share a smile and I endure as well. I am tender yet strong, I feel the pain and I control the anger, I work hard and sweat and bleed, but just to see my family happy at the end... I am celebrating that…

The only thing I expect is I want to be appreciated for my accomplishments, admired for the love, and loved for my passion and emotions.

I am Me!!!  A bit different than other, and I need to be proud of that. I have a voice and I can make choice as well.

My life is moving in the direction I could not ever imagine. A choice to be a woman, proud of what I am and I am celebrating that…..

This article is for the Women's Web Contest 

                                                             

Stranger's to................ Friend's

Early morning walks have become the way of life for many these days!!!  , I am one among them. (Trying to be health freak I guess). Actually I try to be away from the hustle- bustle and escape from the temporary worries of life for some time.

As it is a regular practice, you tend to meet a lot of people who are as regular as you are (few whom you know by name, few by faces) so a nod here and there, a smile here and there and followed by good mornings is a ritual we follow.

From among them, I noticed a new face a few days ago… whenever we crossed there was that eye contact (it seemed as if we both were trying to tell each other something). Days passed we started exchanging smiles. Every day she would make an eye contact and give a pleasant smile, I could sense that she was looking for a conversation; a bit reluctant to be the initiator (sometimes body language says it all). She was trying to adjust to the new place, surroundings and people, which was my preliminary understanding. 

We all have felt that sometime or the other whenever we have moved places…..and we also know that we have hundreds of questions in our mind... unfortunately with no answers…!!!

I decided a night before, that I would take the initiative to introduce myself get the conversational ball rolling.   On approaching her and with those, formal hellos and exchange of speck of personal details... I could tell that she was seriously looking for someone to talk to ( but was a bit shy and scared to talk to stranger ) and I felt great that I was able to be of help and answers to lots of her questions.

The thoughts that stayed with me through the day were.......

Walking up to a stranger and striking up a conversation is social equivalent of sky diving its fun, interesting and risky. But there are people for whom ( I was also among such a few years ago ) it’s not easy to  start a conversation with new people,  like Vandana ( the name of my new friend ), the thought of trying to make a conversation with people who are new makes them break into cold sweat !!

We as children are taught that “Never talk to Strangers” we seem to follow that even when we are adults.

People who find it difficult to go and start a conversation , I think it’s just because they are putting too much pressure on themselves, they think they have to put up a great performance to impress the other person .. Is it really so???

They just have to let themselves be what they are, just be ordinary and talk about ordinary things .when you think that you have to be at your best and perfect in your conversation, you ruin it all. You are more focused on what you have to say and less focused on the person you have just met.

The person or the people you have just met are not looking for brilliant conversation. What they are looking is someone who they will be comfortable with, fun to talk, and most important interested in them….Listening to them.

After all, majority of the conversation between two new people don’t go anywhere, so what if the encounter does not turn into the great friendship. It takes time, effort and mutual interests to turn casual strangers to friends.

Remember, that all of the friends we already have were strangers to us at one point in our life, until we started talking and found out what we have in common.

Learning how to make conversation with people you don’t know well can be the first step in making many new friends, that’s how I have added one more in my friend list ……

Fear of Losing .......

Today while having a general conversation among friends (rather ridiculous ones!!), we moved on to the topic which I fear the most to discuss.

I have this feeling, the thing I don’t want to think about or I don’t allow myself too. I have this whisperings inside, “What if all the people I love and care are gone? What would I do?
There is nothing that scares me more than losing people I love and care about. (I know it’s kind of freaky).

Next month is my dad’s 17th death anniversary. I miss all the goodness about my dad, his simplicity, his sense of humor, fighting spirits, laughter, joy, and hard work ethics and doing best with what he had in his life. Some umbrella of protectiveness shut with his loss. It was hard to pick up the pieces of the shattered heart and it took years to get to the point where I felt stable footing again. I missed that feeling of security that having a father allow you, whatever age you reach in life... I so envied those who had that. (Truth be told, I still do!!!! ).

And about 6 years ago I lost my uncle, who I was so close to after my father’s death. His death showed me, anyone can be taken away from you when you least expect it .I can’t seem to let go of him either. His death effected me differently and became a sad abstract experience for me living far away (The biggest disadvantage of living out of your country can’t reach in time when you want too!!!!!).

What remained with me is the fragrance of his hair cream and perfumes which made a fantastic combo, and coupled with the smell of cigarette smoke to his clothes. His scent was a signature, which I will never forget!

When you lose someone whom you hold most dear, you don’t lose them all at one. You lose them in pieces over time. Their thoughts aren’t what you can immediately wipe away.

It has been years, and knowing that when I will go home, I will never see my dad and uncle greet me at the door is devastating and does not seem fair. But who ever told us life was fair?
My loved ones are no longer with me on this earth, but I remember them in memories and moments now, looking back on things they taught me and things we shared.

I have lost people….

I have come very close to losing people…..

For some reason this is my biggest fear of not losing the ones I am left with…..
When I am separated from people I really love, I tend to think the worst. I am terrified, may be its anxiety... I just can’t handle loss very well. It’s the insecure part of me that worries and makes me out of control.

One is stunned when it happens; you slap and pinch yourself to wake-up from a horrible dream because you think it cannot happen. But it becomes clear that God had made other plans.

But somewhere I do know Life is short, and we don’t know how much time we have!!!! Life is unpredictable, it is here one second and gone the next. It’s important to cherish the moments with the loved ones, and enjoy the bonds. This helps me to see the things in different perspective, but not always.

I AM LEARNING THOUGH…………………….

I know we have to shed the tear, get back up and keep going without them.
I know that even though we love them deeply we can not make them stay…..
God breaks our hearts to prove us ....
He only takes the best…………..

Parents Not A Burden- Our Responsibility

Today how many of us consider our parents as our responsibility, I would say very few.

Each of us want to live our life and most of us consider that our old parents the cause of our mere existence in this world are just burden and nothing else! They made us what we are today and we are the one who are responsible for their future.

Parents have never thought back to give us the smallest pleasure in the world , though that was not very easy for them but just to see that smile on our face they would to anything . They took our hand in the childhood because we were learning to walk, they taught us how to overcome the obstacles and go forward, but what do we do now when they have not remained so strong to walk on their legs...Do we give them our hand? Or give them a stick and say walk your way.

Some have gone to the extent of putting their parents in Old Age Homes… I ask why???? Just because they are now physically and monetarily weak the children think that it's the destitute of the parents to die and leave them there and get rid of their responsibilities towards them…. How ungrateful the materialistic word has made us?? Why can't we balance the professional and family life? They gave us a world to live in and today we give them a room and say this is where you belong. How disgusting on our part.

But "NO "we want our own independence. They have spent so many sleepless nights catering to our needs without complaining and when they need us in we run away from them to find our own peace.

The joint family system is almost fading away, and with the nuclear family concept coming in where the husband and wife both are behind earning money and in return neglecting their parents and in laws respectively. And if the parents are staying together then they are treated no better than the servants to take care of their children.

We should not forget that getting old is a process of life. It's a circle which will come to us also, today our parents are old tomorrow we are going to be old. What we do to our parents may come back to us from our own children.

So it's high time for us to understand our responsibility and start becoming a parent to our own parents… as that's what they need in these last years of their life, love and caring of their dear ones..

I thought of sharing this with you all simply because I was watching a movie called UMAR ...and remembered about this article, (I had written  this article in 2009, on article base at that time I was inspired to write about it, by an old man who had asked for a lift on the road whose destination happened to be an Old Age Home ).

Unidentified Washed Object

It was lazy Thursday morning (we have Thursday weekends in Muscat) the type of the day when getting out of the day requires and extra effort and even when you try to put your feet down on the floor your impulse is to slip under the cover and bury yourself in the blanket.

Reluctantly I left my bed and went straight to my son’s room, just to find that he was not in his bed!!!!

To my surprise, on a Thursday morning my son was up and rearranging his stuff and cleaning his room (A bit of difficult thing to handle!!!!!.As this was done without my prompting.

My surprise had now turned into a curiosity. My mother instinct at his best told me this can’t be mere cleaning, there has to be something more to it. On being questioned, ”Why are cleaning your room? “

Without raising the head, from whatever he was doing. “Mummy, you always say clean up, keep things on place. I AM DOING THAT, it was an obvious reply I was expecting.

Anyways which left me with nothing to do or say but leave him with his act as it was time to switch to the role of cook and the laundress ,( its weekend, and house helps are also entitled for their break ) .

I finished the normal chores of the day, and when I went to remove the clothes form the washing machine, there was a thing I could see a along with the clothes, (it was round and did resemble like my external speaker which I attach sometimes to my iPod, gosh!!!! did I put that with my clothes…gush), on a closer, after moving the clothes I realize it’s my son’s Bey blade..(Spinning tops with character names played by boys with a slogan  ... let it rip!!!!!). Now, the morning session of all the cleaning and rearranging falls in place for me.

When I called him to return it, there was a spark in his eyes, a delight which he could, best express was with a hug and questions, Where did you find it mom? I was searching this only since morning? I thought I lost it? You are the best mom ….Thanks!!! Thanks !!!… and he was out of the laundry area. Next I could hear was. 1…..2….3……Let it rip…….…!!!

A long ago I had a friend had told me that “ moms of boys are different “ I did not really get it at that time , but flash forward to the present time , I really get it  , I do .

I always grew up playing, dolls, making them dress up, pretending to be mommy, cradling our dolls. My family is all  a girl family, I have  nieces NO NEPHEWS,( both on  maternal / in laws  side ) . I always knew about girls clothes, laces, ribbons, I knew which color suits them, I knew about Barbie’s; I knew that they would keep their things neatly at the right place, etc. The idea of being a mother never bothered me, as I always thought I have done that with my nieces, (though the relation is different but I know how to be a mom!!)

The problem was when I became a MOM... it was a boy!!

But it clicked!! Yellow dumper trucks, race cars, mud cakes, replaced the Barbie dolls and tea parties

He taught me how to rough house, we wrestle and get tough sometimes. I know about all the superhero’s, their background and I dare not mess it up (Batman does not have super power, but Super man does).

Who says boys don’t care what they look? (Myth of yester years I guess) the other day my son changed 5 outfits before he settled on one.

How to forget, they love to wear ugly masks, superhero costumes, ugly teeth and carry around swords with a never heard background score at its peak.

Everything and anything can become a weapon (fork and spoon, wooden stick, book, plastic).

Whenever hurt , band-aid can fix almost anything , just that they won’t stay for long, you will probably find the used one thrown somewhere  or you might just step on to it if you are bare feet ( gross !!! but true ).

He has taught me how to play in the dirt and run around aimlessly in football. We have bumps, bruises and skinned knees.

I have learnt one thing, your life becomes a contest , who can run faster, who can play  Mario , who can brush the teeth faster, and the moment you think you are about to win , you will hear that the rules have changed and they might just surprise you by saying “ it’s not a contest !!!.

He is a little boy right now as he gets older, my free thinking rebel and hard headed carefree spirited boy will be different.

He is going to be a man one day, all on his own. And while it scares me to think that one day he will fall in love, break hearts, and raise a family of his own. It also brings pride that we are the one’s teaching him how to do it.

My dreams of laces, ribbons, and dolls have been replaced by legos, beyblades, cars, bugs and dirt. But that’s ok there is a mother son bond which is completely indescribable and unbelievable.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not dissing girls or girl moms. I always wanted a girl, or may be still would love to have one. I would have been over the moon happy regardless, I guarantee that I would be singing the praises of  being a girl mom ……I think the bond between a mother and daughter is something incredible and special.

I have realized one thing, it suits me fine, if I have to spend my rest of the life cleaning up muddy shoes, cluttered room or plan a beyblade parties …...

At this moment my house may not be full of frilly and girl’s things but it’s full of laughter and love.

Anyways I just got thinking about all this because of a UWO (Unidentified washed object found in my washing machine).

WHAT ALL YOU MOTHER'S HAVE FOUND IN YOUR WASHING MACHINE ???